Tonight
by anna4bates
Summary: Tonight things were going to change between them.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi this is my first ever fanfic, so please be gentle with your reviews. I absolutely LOVE this couple and this show is quickly becoming an obsession. Season 2 cant come soon enough!_

_The usual disclaimers blah blah blah _

_Enjoy!_

Anna's POV

Everything around them had changed since the announcement of war. The numb feeling slowly dissolving when events started to unfold. Being the decent man that he is, Lord Grantham offered for Downton to be used as a hospital to help with the war effort.

Anna was rushed off her feet preparing all the beds and the arrival of the large number of nurses coming to stay. The female staff quarters just couldn't cater for the amount of new arrivals and to Mrs Hughes despair (and Anna's delight) the door separating the men form the women was permanently left open.

She didn't know why she was so happy about this. She knew this wouldn't change anything. After their almost kiss, Anna thought that he might care for her just as much as she cared for him.

Hadn't he leaned in? Hadn't he hinted about his feelings by talking about Mr Patricks feelings? He was such a mystery. But nothing changed. He continued to regard her as nothing more than a friend even though there was the obvious spark between them that I blind person could spot. He had not seemed angry at her visit to his mother, yet he continued to be distant.

Anna knew that he was trying to protect her, trying to do the decent thing. He was after all still a married man. The scandal of being Mr Bates' 'other woman' would surely mean his and her instant dismissal form Downton.

But she didn't care.

All she knew was that she loved him and she couldn't care less about the consequences. She wanted to be with him and was prepared to move mountains for him. She knew that the opening of that door wouldn't change anything . . . . . Not if she just stood by and did nothing.

Things will change tonight, she decided. Tonight, John Bates will have an unexpected visitor.

xXx

Bates' POV

Sleep evaded him yet again. His brain just wouldn't turn off. War. Such an ugly word. John had already witnessed the brutality that war had to offer and couldn't fathom experiencing it all again. Last time he had been lucky to survive when so many had lost their lives. Even though he couldn't walk properly because of it, he was still thankful. His leg helped remind him of his previous mistakes and he never wanted to go back to that life ever again. He was grateful for the second chance life had given him and was determined not to mess it up. He hadn't counted on ever receiving the opportunity of working for his former comrade; he hadn't counted on being offered such an occupation and he certainly hadn't counted on _her_.

She was such a beauty. He had never encountered someone quite like her before. They shared the same sense of humour, the same caring side and he knew she had a hidden passionate side, much like his own.

Oh if only he'd never met Vera! Everyday he wished he was a free man, and every night he wished she was his. On those nights, it wasn't his brain that was the problem. He hated himself for thinking such things about her. She was an angel and him just a dirty old man. If she knew he thought about her like that, she would turn and run in terror, of that he was certain.

He had no right to have the love of such a delicate young woman. He didn't deserve her. John had been trying to put some distance between him and Anna but he realised how difficult that task was going to be as soon as he started. He was powerless to resist her. He did not know why she had chosen him. She astonished him further at the lengths she was prepared to go to save his job. He had no idea about Anna's visit to his mother until he received a letter from old Mrs Bates. She wrote explaining about Miss Smith's unexpected arrival and enquired to know how he seemed to have secured the affections of such a fine young woman.

Before that, John couldn't comprehend the extent of Anna's love for him. He realised that he had had the advantage of knowing her feelings for the past few months and he wondered if she knew just how much he cared for her. Oh how he had tried not to love, he tried very hard, but his heart would not stay quiet.

His mind raced at the announcement that the 'forbidden door' was to remain open from now on. But he knew he could never take advantage of that liberty, no matter how much he wanted to. Even if she still had feelings for him, he would not dishonour her in such a way. He would not take from her what should be her husbands on her wedding night.

Of course he hated the thought of her walking out with other men, chatting and flirting. But he had no right to think such things, he even shouldn't have warned off poor Mr Molesley on the day of the garden party. He just couldn't help himself. The thought of her marrying someone else, having his children, heated John with such anger and jealously that he surprised even himself.

However, it was unkind for him to ward off possible suitors and still hold her at arms length. So tonight it changes, he thought, tonight he would declare his feelings for her. Tonight I will forever belong to her.

John sat up in bed, knowing it was impossible to sleep. He moved slowly over to his desk and began to write some letters. First place to start, he thought, is to find that so called wife of mine.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door.

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><p><em>Tell me what you think!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

She was at his door. He had just been thinking about her and she was at his door. Dressed in her white nightgown with a small shawl around her shoulders, she pushed past him and into his room. John quickly looked left and right out in the corridor and shut the door behind them.

Once inside, Anna looked up at him in his plain brown pants and thin white shirt. Blushing she lowered her gaze to look at the floor. Stick to your guns, Anna_,_ she thought, now is not the time to back down. She looked up at him again and noticed the desire written across his face. Taking that as encouragement, she plunged into her half rehearsed speech.

"Mr. Bates, please, I can't stand this anymore", she started to say. "If I'm making a fool of myself, say so now and I'll go back to my room and forget this ever happened".

"Anna, I…"

"Actually no, don't interrupt me. I have to do this", she said firmly. She paced a bit, before removing her shawl and laying it across the back of his chair, suddenly feeling the temperate rise in his room. Oh god, she thought, _his room_. Taking a deep breath, she ploughed on.

Whether you realise it or not Mr. Bates, I still care for you, deeply. More than I ever have for anyone else. I thought I knew about love, I've witnessed it several times before, heck we see it everyday right here amongst the Crawleys. It might simply be paternal love for the girls, also with his lordship and her ladyship and whether they know it or not, between Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley. I thought I understood love, but I was wrong. I knew nothing about love. Until you".

If his heart wasn't pounding fast enough before, it sure as hell was now. He knew better than interrupt her now, so he said nothing.

"I don't know how you've done it but you infect every single thought I have throughout the day. I find that I can't actually go through one day without a small conversation. Not that I'm complaining, mind you." He chuckled lightly at this and he was rewarded with that smile he loved so much. "You see, Mr. Bates, I don't think I can live without you". Nervously, she waited for his response.

Knowing she had said her piece, he took a deep breath and considered his words carefully.

"I'm sorry", he said.

She frowned at this. "What for?" she asked.

"For being a fool; for leading you on; for being unable to give you what you want. And I'm sorry for falling head over heels in love with you. I'm sorry that I have nothing to offer you".

She sighed. "I wish you weren't sorry. I wish that you were glad you fell for me. I wish that you were glad that you love me. I wish that you were glad that you cared for me and were glad that you were loved in return". With each sentence, Anna took another step closer to him until they were only inches apart.

"You said that you are unable to give me what I want", she said. "How is that possible when all I want is you?"

He was sure he had stopped breathing. He daren't move, for the last time they had been this close they had almost kissed and it ended with her running away from him.

But she had no intention of running tonight. Tonight was different.

Slowly she raised her hand to rest on his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

"What are you afraid of, John?" she whispered.

At hearing her finally speak his name, any control he might have left, deserted him. Carefully he moved one hand to slide around her waste and the other to guide her face to his. Finally after all this time, he leaned in and kissed her soundly.


End file.
